Saturday, August 29, 2009
I was reading this book, and the main character giggled. And that word, somehow, triggered memories. It was like...
I remember how I used to laugh uncontrollably and my father would say stop giggling.
Then I thought back about P6, and about HCL, and about my HCL group, and how happy I was then. I remember how Gerald always used to make me laugh until my stomach and face hurt from laughing too much, no matter what ocassion, what lesson, what mood I was in. The whole group could always laugh, and laugh, and laugh until the whole class was affected. I remember how we used to throw our ting xie books into the centre of the desk, and the last person would bring the books up. We would compare our ting xie and xi zi marks, and it may have been childish, but I was happy then.
I'm wondering what it will take for me to be happy again. It seems I haven't been really happy since I left P6 for Secondary School. Why?
Why can't I be happy for once? I can't stop thinking about P6, can't stop thinking about the times I was really happy, sitting there in the Oasis without a care for the world, laughing... couldn't stop laughing... compared ting xie... when secondary school seemed a life time away.
Dammit. Stop crying. My nose is starting to get blocked again.
Please god, if u really do exist, make me happy.
Ok, I noe I'm being unfair. Thousands of people in this world would kill to live in the conditions I'm living in now. I really don't know why I'm complaining, why I'm emo-ing around.
I feel pathetically lousy.
If I could turn back time, if I was given a chance... I would do it in a flash and alter the times I really wish I could change.
Mr Chang said on Friday what is done is done, and no one can change the past. I really wish I could. And even if I can't, forget the things I so desperately want to change.
I really hate my life. I really hate myself.
Why?
{{chiming}}|*|9:21 PM
